On the first day I reached the Sacred Mountain (Todhkebari, Badegaun) and saw Guru, I felt an indescribable energy that left me shaken. At the time my very first thought was:
“There is hope for us to be saved!”
And when Guru blessed me, tears flowed without stopping.
On the first day of the Puja when we were chanting the (new, enlarged!) prayers, I had the strong feeling of a knife severing all drifting thoughts, one by one, as if releasing me of a heavy burden. A curious unnamed joy began to rise up in my heart and the more I chanted the happier I became.
And when we came to the end of the (two-hour) chanting, at that split second, I felt for the first time in my life that “I” disappeared. The inner heart was filled with happiness, feeling at home and at ease, light-hearted, without any thoughts arising. It felt as if the body was empty. I knew that to remove the “I” (the self or ego) is not a matter of a day or a night and is certainly not easy. But under Guru’s divine blessing, I was enabled briefly to experience this kind of state. This has redoubled my resolve to undertake the tapas; to go forward courageously.
Above all it let me see clearly that all fantasies and idle thoughts arise from (within) me, and disintegrate from (within) me. Above all, this experience has made clear the purpose for which I came to this life.
With Gratitude for Guru’s divine blessing and His boundless compassion,
Leon Zhang Yun of Guangxi, China
